It’s a strange courage you give me, ancient star:Shine alone in the sunrise toward which you lend no part!
I
Shine alone, shine nakedly, shine like bronze, that reflects neither my face nor any inner part of my being, shine like fire, that mirrors nothing.
II
Lend no part to any humanity that suffuses you in its own light.
Be not chimera of morning,
Half-man, half-star.
Be not an intelligence, Like a widow’s bird
Or an old horse.
Out of the tomb, we bring Badroulbadour,
Within our bellies, we her chariot.
Here is an eye. And here are, one by one,
The lashes of that eye and its white lid.
Here is the cheek on which that lid declined,
And, finger after finger, here, the hand,
The genius of that cheek. Here are the lips,
The bundle of the body and the feet.
. . . . . . . . . . .
Out of the tomb we bring Badroulbadour.
What word have you, interpreters, of men
Who in the tomb of heaven walk by night,
The darkened ghosts of our old comedy?
Do they believe they range the gusty cold,
With lanterns borne aloft to light the way,
Freemen of death, about and still about
To find whatever it is they seek? Or does
That burial, pillared up each day as porte
And spiritous passage into nothingness,
Foretell each night the one abysmal night,
When the host shall no more wander, nor the light
Of the steadfast lanterns creep across the dark?
Make hue among the dark comedians,
Halloo them in the topmost distances
For answer from their icy Elysée.
The houses are haunted
By white night-gowns.
None are green,
Or purple with green rings,
Or green with yellow rings,
Or yellow with blue rings.
None of them are strange,
With socks of lace
And beaded ceintures.
People are not going
To dream of baboons and periwinkles.
Only, here and there, an old sailor,
Drunk and asleep in his boots,
Catches tigers
In red weather.
Speeches
Discourses
Whatever you'd like to call
Are much less liberating than they sound (aren't they all)
Replace with synonyms to avoid repetition
Comprehensive paragraphs and meaningful diction
Always searching for the right expression
Checking the format of each citation
Preoccupied with a wrong pronunciation
And yes I have attended that kind of training
By and large very draining
Only thing I recall was the struggle remaining
...As if the lack of rhyme is an unforgivable crime
Even my questions are voiced out I am still in doubt
Or is it insecurity? Possibly —
But more precisely —
Draft and rewrite until your inner monologues start with “we”
Repeating ourselves for eternity
Took a long long way to finally get somewhere — or Anywhere
(And I have been intrigued, confused, humiliated,
and terrified to this day)
In hope that I would never expose my disguise
The fake persona and dramatic tone I wish to hide
That anyone familiar with the public examination would immediately recognize
Ever since have I been mortified
Am I too self-aware or insensitive?
Should I pretend to exist in a different continuum?
Can I finally get the shame out of my system?
Go back in time and back to the future
As I approach my own midlife crisis
Or should I say — Wait until you reach the age of Prufrock
Those are poetry, words of honesty, instead of bollocks
Must I swallow it all and praise the aftertaste boiling in my throat
挺短的一段纪实写作，只有200页。作者Thomas McBee是个年轻的跨男，之前著有跨男文学Man Alive: A True Story of Violence, Forgiveness and Becoming a Man，也是一本短小的自传。写作本书的时候在打记者的工，某一天突发奇想说要不我去打职业拳击赛吧。然后就去打了。
这本书角度清奇就在于作者跑去干了一个表面上看起来很self-destructive的事情，大家都不理解，动机讲出来听上去也很奇怪。他说他transition之后男的就老想和他打架，他就想知道为什么男的老是想互相打架。而拳击场是一个大家可以合理合法打架的地方。
作者去训练了之后就感受到了一些咋说大家以前没有考虑过的masculinity的侧面。比方说一般来讲男的都是6 feet apart because we're not gay，但是拳击场是一个大家都不吝于用身体接触来表达友好的地方，因为职业打架可以说是一个男的能表现他的masculinity最极端的方式了，因此大家都不需要用拒绝身体接触的方式来避免被说gay里gay气。
因为读过中产白女男扮女装实录（太鸡巴厌女了妹读完了），再来读这个感觉体验确实不一样。Pass as man 和 live as a man真不是一回事，跨男自己作为男性要contend with masculinity，所考虑的事情和从外部观望看到的masculinity真的不是一回事。这本的作者也很有洞察力，建议对于男性气质的讨论有兴趣的旁友不管你是男是女都来看看。
コカコーラのみさし あきびんにスイセンカ
可口可乐只剩一小口，空瓶子里还插着水仙花
マフユの体温と 指からませながら
感受着寒冬的体温，感受着手指的交织
so sweet oh yeah so sweet
太甜蜜了，真的是，太心动了
so sweet oh yeah so sweet
太甜蜜了，真的是，太心动了
遊牧民と鷹の関係性について
对游牧民和鹰之间的关系问题
あなたはどう思うって 聞かれたけど俺は
如果你问我是怎么看的，其实我也只会回答
「好きならそれでいいーんじゃん？」
「只要喜欢的话就没有什么问题吧？」
so sweet oh yeah so sweet
太甜蜜了，真的是，太心动了
