Rilkean Heart

Hitherto

The lips the heart / The heart the soul / illuminated


❀ Terminology | Timeline

from sweet haze

LOL

I've always loved how music speaks to me... sometimes you'll just stumble across an old riff in an old notebook... or a scrap of lyrics on a random sticky note... and you'll just know exactly what was going through your head, and what was happening when you wrote it... maybe it's a certain girl... maybe it was a movie... maybe it was the weather... sometimes it feels like a song writes itself, as if it was born from your heart before your brain can even think about it And somehow, you can listen to it year after year, and sometimes find something new... maybe a new meaning, or a new way to play it... music never stops speaking to you... you're constantly hearing new stuff, even in those old riffs, or those old lyrics... the feelings linger, and somehow always stay relevant... even if you're not aware of it at the time

Sometimes it'll change after time, and you'll realize the song is different... it's not quite the same as when you first wrote it. Maybe you wrote it when you were angry, and now you listen to it, and it just feels sad, not angry. And that can be a beautiful thing too, because somehow, something you created is more than just words and notes, it has layers and dimensions, and it can mold and transform and grow with whoever listens, wherever they listen.

Even if they haven't gone through what you did when you wrote it... they'll still feel something. The music speaks to them in a different way than was meant, and that's the beauty of it. It's like you've given something to the world, that can take on it's whole own life... and even the ones who haven't experienced it first hand, can still appreciate the honesty in it. You can still feel that honesty, even if you can't relate to it directly.

But then, there are those people who experience what you've created, and it speaks something real to them... the song is suddenly new again, it has a whole new life... and every time they hear it, they know exactly what you meant, and why you wrote it... and they suddenly know you, because you've told them part of your story, in the creation of something beautiful

Sometimes it's a love song, and maybe you created it for your own selfish feelings... but then there are the people, those special ones, the ones who hear it, and it means something to them, maybe more than it ever could to you... maybe you were just pouring out your heart, writing to a girl... but this person, this one person feels like you wrote it for them, and they love it, they worship it, and your song has now become beautiful, for an entirely different reason

The first time they hear it, or read the lyrics, they have no context, no history, they were only just introduced to it... but the song is suddenly their anthem, it becomes their favorite... and they go their whole life, remembering the first time they heard it, and thinking how it was a piece of them they never knew existed

Their eyes are opened, their lives are changed, and they now feel a kinship with someone they've never met, because they've been let in on a private detail of themselves, that they would've never have known... that they have a soft spot, a soul that is not so thick-skinned, and they find themselves sobbing... over a stranger... one that wrote a song for a reason they couldn't possibly understand

That's why music is so incredible... it's almost supernatural... the connection it has to the soul... to the heart... maybe it is just a combination of notes, words, melodies... you can't see it or touch it, but you can feel it, in your heart... it stays, no matter what the song was written for, or where it was written, or how important the person was to the author... it becomes sacred... it becomes a time capsule of raw, unbridled emotion... and even a stranger can feel a part of themselves within it

It's like... if you write a love song, and you write it for a girl, and you put it out in the world, you don't know who is going to find it... you never know who is going to stumble across it, and be just overwhelmed by the feelings and emotions that are put into every little word and note of it... that's why you can always look back on it, and connect to it, because someone else is now experiencing it as your own creation, and you can always go back and listen to it for the first time with them

And they feel it just as intensely as you had felt it when you first wrote it... they don't know you... they don't know the background... but they feel the same weight behind it, they feel the same emotions that you had, and that's why the love song you wrote for a girl, becomes... a song about love...

And they find themselves obsessed, obsessed with these feelings, with the lyrics, with the song, and they feel a strong connection with you, even though they don't know anything about you... you could've died fifty years ago, and they still feel the connection with you, like they've always known your heart, your story, even if they don't know your name... it's almost as if the music itself is a living, breathing being, and it's reaching out to these people and saying 'This is important'...

And that's something so special, that music can do that... it's almost as if it's possessing these people... these random, unknown people... and you become important to them... they feel a connection with you, even if it's one way, even if they know nothing about you... they still feel the love song you wrote for a girl, the love song you didn't even consider making it public until someone convinced you otherwise...

Maybe the girl was a part of it too... maybe she inspired the song, but she was only the spark, and now, she has moved on, and is probably married, and has kids... maybe someone else is telling that girl they love her, while that same, random person is still listening to that song every day... while your song is still making people feel something deep inside... something they've longed for... and that's why music is more important than just being something to sell... the music itself is a living, breathing thing, and it reaches out to whoever needs it... and maybe no one did for a long time,

maybe someone finds it years from now... twenty, thirty, fifty... when you're long gone, and the girl you wrote it for is long gone... and that song, that same song... still has a power... it still has a message... and it still captures people, and touches them... and makes them feel something... something deep... an aching... an ache in their chest for a love so far in the past, and somehow the music still speaks to them... the words still have an intensity to them... the notes still are as relevant, as the day you wrote it...

That's the real reason the music keeps going, it speaks to the people it needs to... it's almost as if every song that was ever made, was made for someone... someone who would need to hear it, at just the right time... it doesn't always happen the second a song is made... it can happen over ten years... over fifty. The song has its own timeline. The music is the soul, it doesn't have a time limit, it goes on as long as it needs to... it has its own life, and every song has a purpose.

Every song is going to speak to someone, it's just a matter of time. It's just a matter of when a person will stumble across it, and feel something... anything, really... but maybe they feel sad, and that song speaks to their sadness, and makes them feel like they're not alone... or maybe they feel happy and it helps them see beauty in their life that they would've never noticed before. The song, no matter what time it was written in, has a meaning, and it speaks to people... it speaks directly to whoever needs to hear it.

And that's the most powerful thing, when someone connects to a song that was made decades before... or even ten minutes before, and it has a message that speaks to them, and maybe they'll never be able to tell you that it speaks to them, but somewhere in the world, a person is listening to your song, and they feel something... maybe some people can't understand it... but music isn't for them. Music is for you. It's for whoever needs it.

That's why it's so important to me... to any musician... because people find it, and they listen to it... but even if no one had ever heard any of my old, or my newer music... I'd still be making music. Because the music isn't just for people to hear it, it's for me to create it. If no one ever heard my music, I'd still write it the same way... I'd still write every word with the same passion... my life isn't about fame or money... it's about making music.

That's how it should be for any musician, and I don't understand how anyone could look at music differently... because no one should ever be creating music because they want to be famous, or they want to become rich, those things are always secondary... because a true musician, just creates and creates, no matter how big or small of an audience they have. A true musician, is just passionate about creating their work, and the music they make has a purpose, it's not just for fun, it's a way of life. And for me, it was a matter of survival.

 
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from Sin-é

“Morning Theft”: ballad partly inspired by his relationship with Cocteau Twins singer Elizabeth Fraser

Time takes care of the wound So I can believe You had so much to give You thought I couldn't see Gifts for boot heels to crush Promises deceived I had to send it away To bring us back again

Your eyes and body brighten Silent waters, deep Your precious daughter in the Other room, asleep

A kiss “Goodnight” from every Stranger that I meet I had to send it away To bring us back again

Morning theft Unpretender left Ungrateful

True self is what Brought you here, to me A place where we can Accept this love

Friendship battered down by Useless history Unexamined failure

But what am I still to you Some thief who stole from you? Or, some fool drama queen Whose chances were few?

That brings us to who we need A place where we can save A heart that beats as Both siphon and reservoir

You're a woman, I'm a calf You're a window, I'm a knife We come together Making chance in the starlight

Meet me tomorrow night Or any day you want I have no right to wonder Just how, or when

You know the meaning fits There's no relief in this I miss my beautiful friend

I have to send it away To bring her back again

Intrepretation
 
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from budd

Just like the ocean, always in love with the moon

11/29/93

Bloom inside, my beautiful flower If you feel your blood moving under your skin Then let it kiss every inch of you Let the friction of its rushing through your riverbed Arise like applause in your breast And sparkle like kisses upon your belly Close your eyes and fly Stretch your legs and sing Because inside you the sea is swelling in love with the moon No such things as self defense or bondage Or regret from the past, the ocean only lives and creates and flows But always in love with the moon

Speak out to me My beautiful sparrow In the morning you fly over a city Of lunatics walking in pain and waiting for betrayal All you know is the wind The rhythm of the fragrance of the world Only, you can sing me awake Sing it to me with the smell of your back Sing it to me with the heat of your lips Kiss me where you want and the song is all I can hear Inside you the sea is swelling over Spilling over my head And I stay submerged Waiting for your rose to open to me And your song to sink into my skin Jeff Buckley – His Own Voice (P.142)

Just like affection rushing in your riverbed
Arise like applause in my head

Just like the ocean, always in love with the moon
It's overflowing now, inside you
We fly right over the minds of so many in pain
We are the smile of light that brings the rain

(Opened Once)

Flower

Bloom inside, my beautiful flower

Jan 13, 1995 – Then Samantha saw Jeff, in his winter coat, with a flower in his lapel ... He wanted to see Liz Fraser in Twickenham.

Rose

Waiting for your rose to open to me

  • love and a thousandfold rose for Buckley (Milk & Kisses liner note)

Willow

Speak out to me My beautiful sparrow

Close your eyes and fly / Stretch your legs and sing

willow sparrow (=Spanish sparrow): often seen in flocks.

  • “when will you weep for me, sweet willow” (All Flowers In Time)
  • “But tonight you're on my mind so... sweet willow” (Lover, You Should've Come Over from Live at Chicago 1995) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vLHcHWDvgfQ&t=129s
  • “Sing? I'd love to” (Flock of Soul)

Cockatoo Twins poster from Bojack Horseman

Morning

In the morning...sing me awake

  • “Morning theft / Unpretender left / Ungrateful” (Morning Theft)
  • “meet the sunrise through the window shining” (Flock of Soul)

Light

  • He had been to England for a week over the new year, to visit Elizabeth Fraser, the singer with Cocteau Twins, whose voice, he told me, stopped him in his tracks. “It sounds like light,” he said.
  • “Oooh, fall in light, fall in light, fall in light” (New Year's Prayer)
  • “Cover me in sublime light” (Flock of Soul)

There ain't a star born that brightens More than you, you always should have known, I'll illuminate your question, Long time ago I'd died and gone (Thousand Fold)

Twinlights: [Geography] Navesink Lighthouse Station... the reflection in the night sky could be seen from seventy miles at sea.

  • “Not long before the wisps of starlight” (Flock of Soul)
  • “We come together / Making chance in the starlight” (Morning Theft)
  • “And in the half-light where we both stand / This is the half-light, you see me as I am” (Opened Once)

Flood

Inside you the sea is swelling over Spilling over my head And I stay submerged

  • “Your eyes and body brighten / Silent waters, deep”, “A heart that beats as / Both siphon and reservoir” (Morning Theft)
  • Come feel the deep / It's love in a flood (Flock of Soul)
  • The lips, the heart / Feel the flooding / Feel the fire / The heart, the soul / Illuminated, illuminated (Treasure Hiding)

Album: The Moon and the Melodies

🌻 “All Flowers” Terminology: https://tale.violaine.xyz/budd/sweet-willow
🌻 “All Flowers” Timeline: https://tale.violaine.xyz/budd/all-flowers-in-time
 
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from budd

Avant-garde singer and actress Rebecca Moore was Jeff's lover during the early 90s, and the inspiration for much of Grace. Her album Home Wreckordings includes the wistful Live in Blue Sparks: “all kinds miss Jeff....I'm not afraid, I walk with my little horned kids”. Stilletto'd Young Stars explores the pathos of love lost and the loneliness of art. “If the song was meant to be, it'll come again some day – like you.” https://web.archive.org/web/20230419220847/https://mojopin.org/pages/tribute_songs.php

Home Wreckordings 1997–1999 (2000), a layered dreamscape that was created in the two years following Buckley's untimely death in 1997. Wikipedia – Rebecca Moore

CD: https://violaine.xyz/s/tPwHJetZFXKfFWZ

  • Genre: Electronic, Jazz, Rock, Funk / Soul, Non-Music, Pop, Classical, Folk, World, & Country, Stage & Screen
  • Style: Art Rock, Avantgarde

From ebay listing (Left: Live in Blue Sparks)

🎵 Stiletto'd Young Stars

“He writes or so, it seems the poet relates elation beyond his dreams. Now you're gone...where songs are born, sent back to us each nite in the bellys of sweet fireflies.”

“Trumpets of your soul will sound even though you're in the ground.”

“Young life crosses young love / The knife wanders through me so slow, It cuts between us as we grow” (🎵 Sky Blue Skin)

🎵 Thaw

“There's no heaven I know but this one I've made inside my head.”

“Father stand right next to him my diamond eddie diamond jim. I will meet you in those fields again...”

🎵 Cartoonlust

“I need a shape I need to make this wrong decision Hey hello before I go you know I really missed you... Todays the day I try to be Mr Dead and Mrs Free”

http://web.archive.org/web/20030713214606/http://bluviolin.com/homewreckordings.html

🎵 Joy Will Come

“I go melting down standton street – to the suitcase hall of fame; Hey old flame – I still hear your name everyday, you're still outside that place you love to hide”

Moore's apartment, at the intersection of Stanton and Allen Streets, had all the trademarks of a typical downtown home https://www.tumblr.com/sweetdreamsjeff/727196079386509312

🎵 Sister Marianne

“may music always be your fuel and may you shine the brightest jewel”

You are so full of yourself but I love you for your drag queen sort of ways...At his funeral cracking jokes into your cigarette ashes flew

where most control their whole idea of a scene and then call it a day

so all together jump and slide with the iridescent suicide

pretty bored days you better learn to fly on your own

“There's room for both of us to fly” / 🎵Gunshot Glitter

as a dolphin leaning on a pinball machine he's sweating out your gasoline reciting verses of our troubled days

Reviews

On this Moore retrospective we hear her fascinating, intimate experiments with strings and electronics backing her will-o-the-wisp voice, a disembodied, floating expresser in rhythm section-less arrangements. Recorded at home over a two-year period, this album is the personal level of material that can only arise from one's domicile and the simplified beauty of creativity on fire in a bare-bones studio. Moore plays all the instruments herself with a few guest musicians on two tracks, one of them Earth, Wind & Fire's “Fantasy.” The other track she calls for help on is another rendition; a convincing, nightmarish apotheosis of “Telegram Sam.” Recalling Björk's Homogenic, Home Wreckordings is a subtle and adventurous work of rare beauty. Allmusic – Home Wreckordings Review by Tom Schulte

https://nestor.minsk.by/mg/2001/17/mg11721.html

Google Translated By the way, I'm not one of those people who see genius in everything unconventional. And here's why. As soon as all the “progressive” teenagers heard that, say, RADIOHEAD or NINE INCH NAILS “is cool”, they started sweeping music that is generally very difficult to perceive, hard to “read”, very personal and simply not intended for the masses off the shelves of our (and not only) hero city, forcing themselves to listen to the non-commercial anguish of these representatives of modern rock (?), and in their souls remaining absolutely indifferent to what the musicians actually want to convey to them. And those few who are really ready to plunge into the abyss of Yorke and Reznor's morbid fantasy, seeing all this unhealthy excitement, will remain indifferent to POP. Because pop is when EVERYONE listens, not SOMEONE. And if so, then what did they fight for?.. But all this applies to the listeners. But if you think about the fact that the avant-garde can also be pop, then a completely different picture emerges, gentlemen. What is interesting here is what, one might say, opportunities open up, for example: you can pass off something tasteless, false and vulgar as a high flight of your own thought, explaining this and that simply by the world's unpreparedness for private genius and already classicality. What's that?! That's how they fool people. The reader will probably think that all these unflattering words to one degree or another apply to Ms. Rebecca Moore, and that this performer is a complete zero, but this would be a mistake. It's just time to set priorities in the situation with frankly non-commercial music. Otherwise, there will be a swamp. Rebecca Moore does what once brought the now actress Bjork to the ranks of “stars”, i.e., under the shadow of otherworldly, shamanic and inharmonious chants, giving out all her immeasurable creative potential. As I read somewhere, if Bjork were a pop singer, she would compete even with the classic representatives of pop music. But that would be too easy. Rebecca Moore, a person with a difficult fate, a subtle soul and rich in feelings, talks to listeners on her discs, or even just chats, or argues, or sings a lullaby, in general, communicates confidentially (but with some detachment). Music also serves as a style, sometimes absolutely incomprehensible, atypical and therefore harsh, with the absence of the already familiar to the ear “chorus-verse-chorus” and all other attributes of the mainstream. Maybe, unlike Bjork, Moore's work is more modern and rock, more, more acoustics, more “live” instruments and fewer sound tricks. Maybe even the latter's work is closer to the explorations of Sinead O'Connor than to Bjork. Who should I recommend this disc to? I don't know, I'm afraid to disappoint the convinced “over-the-gar-divas” and leave people with more traditional musical taste perplexed. I'll say the following (since it's also somehow inconvenient to evaluate such music): this is not something easy to remember and simple, this is not music at all in its usual sense. This is a confession of an individual. A monologue. How you understand it is your business. P.S. I really liked the song (?) “Sister Marianne”. But this does not mean at all that I understood this track. It’s just that it’s the most simple and unpretentious in the ordinary, average music lover’s understanding of the issue.

“Hey Rebecca...next time (you & I here). Paris sucks without you.”

Jeff Buckley Walking the Streets of Paris 1994 https://youtu.be/6df_wOqJfNA?t=441

 
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from budd

Ironically, the singer on one of the This Mortal Coil covers, “Song to the Siren,” was none other than the Cocteau Twins’ Elizabeth Fraser, with whom Jeff would later have a romantic relationship.

  • I only met Jeff a few times. He was introduced to us when he was just a young teenager having come to one of our shows at the Zenith in Paris. We were all thrilled to meet him. It was especially poignant I am sure for Elizabeth and Robin who had recorded that beautifully sparse and atmospheric version of his father’s ‘Song to the Siren’ for This Mortal Coil a few years prior.

1990

  • He was, by then, deep into British pop—not surprisingly, the sulkiest and most sensitive of it, bands like the Cocteau Twins, the Smiths, and the Cure.
  • By 1990, he had already been in touch with and spent time with Tim’s widow, Judy, and her twenty-seven-year-old son, Taylor, whom Tim had adopted. When Judy Buckley gave him tickets to a concert by the Cocteau Twins, Jeff told a friend he kissed Judy on the mouth—partly, he said, out of appreciation, and partly to feel exactly what Tim had seen in this woman.

1991

  • They’d been introduced when Cocteau Twins toured the US in 1991.

1992

August

What do you love about “Twelfth of Never”?

  • I cover the Nina Simone version. It’s just the way she does it. I can’t get into Elvis’s version; it doesn’t capture my imagination, though he had a beautiful voice. Every time I hear “Can’t Help Falling In Love,” I cry. I can’t separate Charles Manson from The Beatles or the Clam Bake movie from Elvis, though. But I love all music. I’m the Cocteau Twins’ biggest fan. They allow their deepest eccentricities to be the music itself, and not just something they want to project. Liz Fraser is one of the only originals. They’re just regular people too. I got to meet her once. She was very shy, which puts a weird curve on that music as well. Imagine that sound coming out of her mouth when she’s in the kitchen scrambling eggs. I lose my mind when I’m washing the dishes.

(This is that first press interview, conducted on August 12)

1993

May

  • He began to fill it with stacks of books and compact discs, the latter running the taste gamut from classic rock (the Allman Brothers, the Doors, Cat Stevens) to kitsch (Sammy Davis Jr., The Mighty Wurlitzer) to alternative rock (Cocteau Twins, Guided by Voices, Sebadoh) to nearly fifty qawwali discs.

Nov

  • “I’d love to sing with Jeff Buckley—Tim Buckley’s son. He is currently making his first album, and if it’s anything like a radio session I heard by him, it should be amazing. He’s written this song called ‘Grace’, which literally makes the hair on my neck stand on end. I was sweating like a fucking June bride when I first heard him. Music has never done that to me before.

https://cocteautwins.com/press-and-news/1993/11/01/elizabeth-fraser-vocal-her-nina-simone-melody-maker

1994

Mar 4

  • In March 1994, when we were on tour in the US promoting our new album Four-Calendar Cafe, Jeff came to see us play at Roxy in Atlanta. He invited us to come and see him play at the night set at Omage, a bar that was close by, so Elizabeth and I decided we would go . . . While she never spoke to me in any detail about her feelings, I knew that Elizabeth had cared deeply for Jeff as interviews with her since will testify. I can’t say for sure if this tragedy directly influenced her decision, but Elizabeth called me some time after and said that she couldn’t continue with the band any longer.

Excerpts about Jeff from Simon Raymonde's book https://reddit.com/gallery/1jjxrml

Mar 4 1994 Cocteau Twins at The Roxy, Atlanta, GA, USA
Four-Calendar Café Tour

94-03-04 	Omage Atlanta, Georgia, America 	Unverified

May 2

  • Talking of orgasms, did you and Liz Cocteau Twin ‘do’ it? Everyone thought you were an ‘item’ some months back. “Oh no. Oh no,” Jeff looks shocked. “We were just friends–very, very close friends. She’s such a good person, so sweet. Fucking her would be like fucking a sister–no, Liz and I were never bed buddies. That was all lies. “I am fucking Courtney, though,” he adds. “All those rumors are true, obviously.” Jeff is lying so much, his pants are on fire.

https://jeffbuckley.com/articles-and-interviews/orgasm-addict-by-caitlin-moran

May 29

  • I was in the room when they met. It was at the Cocteau Twins' aftershow at the Royal Festival Hall in London. The Cocteau's manager Raymond Coffer introduced them to each other, right in front of me. They were both so animated to meet each other, both grinning like school kids. — @ElectricLabel

It is claimed that Fraser spoke about her relationship with Buckley on Cocteau Twins 1995 EP Twinlights. In a 1996 interview with Alternative Press, she teased this notion and revealed that when she went on tour with Cocteau Twins in 1994, in support of their album Four-Calendar Café, she fell in love with a man. She wouldn’t name him, and this had led fans to believe him be Buckley. She admitted: “My love addiction was worse than ever. I was maniacal.” https://www.setlist.fm/setlist/cocteau-twins/1994/royal-festival-hall-london-england-3bd2e8a8.html

August 19

  • Jeff flew to London by himself, where he spent time with one of his musical heroes, the Cocteau Twins’ Elizabeth Fraser. In addition to carrying on a brief relationship, the two wrote and recorded an impassioned paean to romantic connection, “All Flowers in Time,” at a London studio. The band reconvened in Dublin in late August and began a month-long European tour. (David Browne)

  • Jeff flew into London by himself in advance of the band and went to visit Liz Fraser again. It was during this visit, I think, that they went into the Cocteau Twins’ studio in Richmond and recorded a song they’d written together. (Dave Lory)

94-08-16	Wetlands
New York, New York, America	
94-08-22	'Mark Radcliff Show', Oxford Rd Studios, BBC
Manchester, England

September 22

  • Q: Is it true that you are romantically involved with Elizabeth Fraser of the Cocteau Twins at the moment? A: No, but she's great. Her and Simon are the two of the most decent people I have ever met.

Jeff Buckley | ROCKRUSH (M6) Interview | Paris, France | 9/22/1994 https://youtu.be/UMxucWy41Rc?t=1043

Jeff Buckley performing The Way Young Lovers Do (Van Morrison), Kick Out The Jams (MC5), and reciting a poem of his called, New Years Eve Prayer. Recorded at Sin-é, in New York City, on 31 December 1994. https://tale.violaine.xyz/sin-e/ny-eve-poem

1995

January 13

  • Then Samantha saw Jeff, in his winter coat, with a flower in his lapel and carrying his ghetto blaster, looking like Paddington Bear, a lost creature from the other side of the world. “We got to our hotel and I said, ‘Do you want to eat, have a drink, or whatever?’” recalls Sam. “He said, ‘I’d really like to go and see a friend.’ I said, ‘Don’t do this to me. I’m supposed to keep you here.’ He said, ‘I’m not going to do anything outrageous. I just want to hang with a friend for the evening.’ He wanted to see Liz Fraser in Twickenham.

  • Just before this trip, he had been to England for a week over the new year, to visit Elizabeth Fraser, the singer with Cocteau Twins, whose voice, he told me, stopped him in his tracks. “It sounds like light,” he said. They’d met briefly a couple of times and had been talking on the phone since just before we first met. He’d gone to stay with her in Twickenham.

95-01-12	Columbia Records Radio Hour
New York, New York, America	
95-01-14	Tivoli
Dublin, Ireland	
95-01-15	Fleece and Firkin
Bristol, England	
95-01-16	Robert Elms Show, Greater London Radio
London, England	
95-01-16	?
London, England	
95-01-17	?
London, England	
95-01-18	The Astoria II
London, England

September

  • “My love addiction was worse than ever. I was maniacal. Twinlights is about that man. My ‘last goodbye,’ as it were. I was too needy and he was too much of an avoidance person. Naturally.” (Twinlight EP)

1996

March

  • “A friend was kind of comforting me on the phone and they were just being so sweet, really. They had empathy for what I was going through, and they said, ‘I wish I could get the poison out of you. I wish I could just take it out of you and replace it with milk and kisses.’”

milk and kisses for the first man my old man love and a thousandfold rose for Buckley my Rilkean Hearted friend

(Milk & Kisses liner note dedication to Jeff)

1997

May

I have no desire to make contact with all the thought of “no, no”. I shiver now, to think of how this answer asked her, no. Long time gone. I run to my hide out. (Thousand Fold)

Known Performance

97-05-?? Sketches For My Sweetheart The Drunk Demos, Memphis, Tennessee, America

http://flowersintime.org/show.php?songid=155

I don’t know what happened there, but I knew later that they were lovers and saw that he went misty-eyed when he spoke about her. They’d been introduced when Cocteau Twins toured the US in 1991. In 1983, Liz and her fellow Cocteau Twin and partner, Robin Guthrie, had cut a cover of his dad’s beautiful, desolate “Song To The Siren” with This Mortal Coil, a version so arresting that Jeff would have no choice but to be attracted to it. She in turn had gone to check Jeff out, and remarked later that she had “sweated like a June bride” when she first heard him sing. She had separated from Guthrie by this time and was having an unhappy time in the band. “To meet Jeffrey was like being given a set of paints,” she said in a TV documentary. “I had all this color in my life again. I couldn’t help falling in love with him; he was adorable.” She noted that he had idolized her and she had fallen for the son of someone whose music she loved, and it felt a bit creepy. But they couldn’t help themselves. She also remarked that they had read each other’s diaries. I wonder now if he was writing about her then on that long drive.

“I just wish I'd been more of a friend,” she says, softly. “His career was everything to him, and I wish I had been more understanding – happy with a different kind of relationship. I missed out on something there, and it was my fault.”

Reference 1. Dream Brother: The Lives and Music of Jeff and Tim Buckley 2. Jeff Buckley: From Hallelujah to the Last Goodbye

 
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from Sin-é

LYRICS

“Oh, the welts of your scorn, my love, give me more Send whips of opinion down my back, give me more”

“i'm not afraid to die ...but she cries to the clicking of time”

“i love you, but i'm afraid to love you”

“All my riches for her smiles when I slept so soft against her” “my kingdom for a kiss upon her shoulder / she's the tear that hangs inside my soul forever” (=Her face is the very tear that hangs in my throat forever)

“she was heartache from the moment that you met her / my heart is frozen still as i try to find the will to forget her somehow”

“Welcome down to paradise rock. There is no single entrance There's no stars to revolve around There is no real underground. You're a slave to it all, now.”

“I could kiss you with lines of escape in my mouth”

“I am your failed husband contender I'm your loan shark of bliss”

“And in the half-light where we both stand This is the half-light, you see me as I am”

“Just like the ocean, always in love with the moon”

“I am a railroad track abandoned With the sunset forgetting I ever happened That I ever happened”

“Your rube is young and handsome So new to your bedroom floor You know damn well where you'll go” (=I'll be)

“You had so much to give You thought I couldn't see” (=I thought I could receive)

Morning Theft – You're a window, I'm a knife

“As each song unravels, it fills you with a desperation that sucks at the heart, and puts sparks in the eyes. It moves through the blood and makes the veins glow. It crackles across the skin and leaves scorch marks. Imagine if you could actually sing the sound of all hope leaving. Imagine if you knew the syllables of falling in love. If you had fingers that could coax a guitar to sound like the sun in your lover’s eyes, the smell of hot skin, the taste of their throat.”

 
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from Sin-é

Audio: Daughter – Love (Live on KEXP 2012) https://youtu.be/MwFTBgeslF0

Video: Jeff Buckley – Road Diaries by Merri Cyr https://vimeo.com/3755575

LYRICS

I can't forget it Though I've tried I know you regret it, love You told me so many times

But I still wonder Why You left with her And left me behind

Take your hands off him 'Cause he's the only one that I have ever loved And please don't find her skin When you turn the lights off

I can't erase it From my mind I just replay it, love Think of it all of the time But I don't want to imagine Words you spoke to her that night Naked bodies look like porcelain You both knew I'd be bleeding inside

Did she make your heart beat faster than I could? Did she give you what you hoped for? Oh nights of loveless love, I hope it made you feel good Knowing how much I adored you (You're making me sick, love)

6 Music Artist Collection | Jeff Buckley Forever https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bGk4K-xOaT4

Merri Cyr

39:54 – ...just gave me such a feeling of his vulnerability and I just felt like I just wanted to protect him so much, I mean that's the feeling he evoked from me . . . I don't know, thinking of about it is kind of making me tear up he just felt like he needed protection.

1:11:49 – I increasingly felt like, as I knew him, that his origin story overwhelmed his current life to certain degree that he was kind of living out a predestined existence...

1:12:47 – He was always insecure, he was always angry about that abandonment from his father. You know, Jeff lived in a state of perpetually feeling he was unloved ...and it was awful to see that. It didn't matter how much you loved him or whether you fell in love with him or tried to love him.

  • He leaned forward, looking pained. “Are you going to die on me?” he asked, choking up. And then he asked me what he really wanted to know: “Are you going to leave me like everybody does?”

  • What Jeff wanted and what he needed were two different things. On one level he had to control everybody; on another he didn’t respect you if you didn’t stand up to him and fight back when he bullied you.

  • He kissed her goodbye, and I saw a look on her face I would come to recognize on the faces of people who had an intimate encounter with Jeff—a look both besotted and bereft as he walked out of their lives. I bundled him into his room. I was furious.

  • When you’re intimate with somebody, you can only really know yourself through them. If there’s some kind of malice in the eyes through which you know yourself, if there’s something unresolved, that can be painful.”

  • “Well, there’s something he’d like to tell you,” she said. “He didn’t mean to do it, but he didn’t fight it. And he also says he’s happy, everything’s fine, he’s in a good place, and he doesn’t blame you for anything, and he wants you to move on.”

  • And, finally freed from the weight of my time with Jeff, I pondered why we had put ourselves through it all. A warm autumn rain started to fall on me, and I realized I already knew the answer. I heard Jeff saying it one last time: “It’s about the music, stupid.”

From Hallelujah to the Last Goodbye

 
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from budd

https://violaine.xyz/s/x8eAfrR9c64tY3J

During the writing process, Smith had difficulty “find[ing] the right imagery” for the lyrics to “Alone”, ultimately finding inspiration from the Ernest Dowson poem “Dregs”.

Dregs

By Ernest Dowson

The fire is out, and spent the warmth thereof, (This is the end of every song man sings!) The golden wine is drunk, the dregs remain, Bitter as wormwood and as salt as pain; And health and hope have gone the way of love Into the drear oblivion of lost things. Ghosts go along with us until the end; This was a mistress, this, perhaps, a friend. With pale, indifferent eyes, we sit and wait For the dropped curtain and the closing gate: This is the end of all the songs man sings.

💿 Songs Of A Lost World

Something Wicked This Way Comes

1962 dark fantasy novel by Ray Bradbury

“Death doesn't exist. It never did, it never will. But we've drawn so many pictures of it, so many years, trying to pin it down, comprehend it, we've got to thinking of it as an entity, strangely alive and greedy. All it is, however, is a stopped watch, a loss, an end, a darkness. Nothing.”

♫ Disintegration

“I fucking hate Royalty. Any kind of hereditary privilege is just wrong. It’s not just anti-democracy, it’s just inherently wrong. What upsets me is that some people who I’ve actually admired down the years get offered a reward by the Royal Family, by the hereditary monarchy, and they take it. They become Lord or Sir.

“I would honestly cut off my own hands before I [accepted an honour]. Because how dare they presume that they could give me an honour. I’m much better than them. They’ve never done anything, they’re fucking idiots. I should be King.”

https://www.reddit.com/r/TheCure/comments/13amrhg/robert_smith_of_the_cure_rejects_royalty_and

Siouxsie Sioux and Robert Smith (1984)

The Cure Live – 1989-06-04 Palazzo dello Sport, Rome, Italy

A good recording (although not as bassy as I would prefer) in front of a very passionate Italian crowd, almost every song off Disintegration features amidst two and a half hours a music. The crown of this show, though, is the closer – Robert dedicates it to “everyone who died in China today”, referencing the Tiananmen Square massacre that had happened just hours prior, and so unleashes a long, passionate, and moving version of 'Faith'.

And so we watch the sun come up From the edge of the deep green sea And she listens like her head's on fire Like she wants to believe in me

One more day like today and I'll kill you A desire for flesh and real blood And I'll watch you drown in the shower Push my life through your open eyes

And I'm starting to laugh Like an animal in pain I say I'm loving you to death Like I'm losing my breath

It makes me bite my fingers through To think I could've let you go It makes me pull my hair all out To think I could've let you leave

The Cure – In Orange (1986 concert, laserdisc) https://archive.org/details/cure-in-orange-60fps-from-ld

The Cure「Show」1992 Wish tour https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_6STIJGOIE0

The Cure Trilogy (Live In The Tempodrom Arena, Berlin, 2002) https://archive.org/details/the-cure-trilogy-live-in-the-tempodrom-arena-berlin-2002

The Cure – 40 Live: Curætion 25 – Anniversary https://www.bilibili.com/video/BV1Ja411L75Y

The Cure – Live In Hyde Park London July 7th 2018 https://www.bilibili.com/video/BV18F411V7TB

 
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